While cleaning the dining table, Sheetal’s mother heard her daughter’s phone message tone. It was left on the table itself. She could tell from the notification on the screen that it was her daughter’s childhood friend. Memories of her laughter rushed into her mind, and in a childlike glee, she unlocked her daughter’s phone to check the message from Sheela’s best friend. As she read the message, her smile faded. Her heartbeat became faster. Her hands shook. She scrolled up. Her abdomen became tighter. She couldn’t stand. She sat shocked. Her eyes moistened. The language of the conversation was different. They were very raw, not something she had ever heard her daughter speak. She sat wondering, Do I really know my daughter? Impressions hurt us.
Sheetal had crossed her teens. She was in her early twenties. While speaking with her parents, Sheetal wouldn’t use the same words that she used with her friends.
The way Sheetal’s mother felt is how our parents and many readers here still feel when their children change their behaviour. Parents stood, watching, without uttering a word, because anything they said could end with their child not communicating with them. They watched with pain in their heart without knowing what to do. They could only hope.
Impressions are strong beliefs about a person with whom you have spent considerable time. Any change in their behaviour is met with resistance. When the change becomes obvious, emotions charge the environment, making it a challenge to even look into each other’s eyes. Impressions hurt us more than we can imagine.
As our children grow into adults, one of our prime responsibilities is to be their guide. We must stop controlling them. Simply saying it won’t happen. We must drop the impressions we hold of our children. It takes all of three weeks of working with the impressions before we can release them. Only then do we and our children experience freedom. Remember, impressions stifle our freedom and can make relationships sour. It takes a toll on our minds.
— Dr Mahesh Krishnamurthy